20.

Who are you, Dalila?

19. All sorts of feelings

So I went for a solo dinner right after the goal setting for my usual runs of new fitness program. The food was aaaalright, but my my the green tea latte was A+. Don't get me started on the almond salted caramel mille crepe you guiseee.

I was digging the playlist too, and it kinda add a whole new dimension to it, you know? The people was crazy kind and I was reminded why I love the things that I love. Things that made me, me. They played What A Catch Donnie and at some point I felt like belting out "Growing up, growing up" for no effin' reason, but I can't.

I was the only customer at the cafe too and it was such an experience I'd like to relive again.
--

Funny how I almost always remember to write only when I am not at my best.
Also, thought I should let you know that I met someone whom I initially thought was super mediocre at his best but I got flipped 180.

He is humble, but out of this world kind of guy that I would love to get to know more of.
And me being a girl (and also a Dalila), starts to sorta plan out things before we even begin? Ha! Classic me.

So found out something not so pleasant and I best stay away for now, or ever for that matter. I do not want to get involve in winning someone over someone else ever again. It is exhausting and emotionally draining.

--

This week has been super challenging. Work wise, life after work and most importantly to my tiny little heart.

New Found Glory was in town, and yo gurl right hurr just missed them BIG TIME. BOO, I SUCK!

xx,
D.

18. We're in the future: 2015

It is raining outside so let me nurse my (yet another) broken heart for a bit.
I can't deny that 2014 has been the most wonderful, amazing, fantastic year, but also an overwhelming one at that.
I'd like to call it the "Almost" year.

Gambar tiada kaitan but ohmygod i love the shoes!! BEST FIND EVAR. *pats self*

The year where I almost finally dated someone officially. (Thank God we grew apart fairly quickly because I can't believe I almost... decided to just settle with someone I cannot connect with)
The year where I almost reached my ultimate weight goal.
The year where I thought  I finally found a guy that I can connect with on SO many levels, and at least on my side I thought that we did connect for a bit that we almost got ourselves into a sorta casual relationship. But I was the third-wheel. Exciting and heart breaking at the same time because I am really into that particular guy.
The year where I almost ended my single status.


Looking back this is the most exciting year for my previously non-existent lovelife. Lets toast to that shall we?

--
But above all that, I managed to keep on my 2014 resolution - to keep at it. I lost quite a number of my initial weight doing all the healthy stuff, I got featured in a magazine for my weight loss journey - something that I NEVER in a million years thought that would frikkin happen!, I play real sports now, I ran 15km, I completed my first ever obstacle run, I proved to myself I am capable of doing more than what I thought I could. All praise to Allah. Alhamdulillah.

You know what, this can be as cheesy as it gets - I actually write down to know love and to be in love on last year's vision board. I guess I got that too.

Can I, this time around have the real thing?
I am sick of having to pick up myself again and again. I don't want to be that Almost girl forever, i had enough of that shizz.

God, I am turning into those melodramatic hopeless romantic poop heads. Kill me now.

So here's to 2015, as @iwrotethisforyou tweeted:
"May the worst of your future things be better than your previous best things". Aaah I found solace in that statement. So much love and positivity all around *hugs self*

17. A toast to things that I forget.

I forget things.

I often times forget the wonderful side of me when I was in distress. // I forget that I sing. // I forget that I play. //I forget that I observe. //I forget that I enjoy indulging in minute, tiny things. //I also forget that I write.

Turning a new leaf in a couple of days and somehow this feels like a big deal. I am a big girl now, I can't blame things when they don't go my way. I can't be whiny (well I can...but I am the one who need to pick me up anyway); I need to be my own superhero for reals this time.

And here I am penning down my thoughts, trying to sound witty in my small-ish living room (and messy, but let's saves that up for another day, shall we?). What makes me happy these days?

I am thankful for Moggie the cat, I am thankful for each and everyday that I get to see my boys when I get home, I am thankful that even that at my age, I am still single - I can still call my girlfriends up and do stuff, I am thankful for my health, I am thankful for my new routine, I am thankful for my challenging job that is never boring, I am thankful for my increasing confidence (although, there are times I feel like I am not enough), I am thankful for the rezq' that Allah never fails to blessed me with, I am thankful for my taste in music. I am thankful for myself.

Here's a toast to things that I (often times) forget and more to things that I will discover. (and remember)

 Love,
 D.

16. ____

Bumped into the ex-way-back-when last week, thought of saying Hi because he was alone, but when I finally had the courage to do so, the whole family barged in and it got super awkward - I chickened out, paid my pants and hurried out of the store (It took me like what - 10 mins to decide on a new bottom after I spent countless WEEKS researching online just so I can get out of the store as fast as I can without looking super awkward.) Nasib baik seluar tu fits me properly. *Go Dal!*
--
I haven't seen him in eons. We bumped into each other once but he made me feel invisible and at the time I was really ...sad? But this time around, meh. Just awkward because yeah, but overall... meh.
--

You know sometimes I wonder how the heck I can run a blog with at least 500 posts and consistently updates it every other day previously for years. Not even weeks and now I can barely do the same thing! I thought I have something to say hahaha I mean it was like... there, but now it feels like nothing much?

Maybe I should talk about Raya since my last post was about Ramadan. It has been awfully quiet this year, but a good kind yanno? Had our first Raya at home and we planned out the day with our own activities, which was kinda cool looking back. No one's forcing us to eat rendang for the ummpteenth times and yeah, that was kinda nice. Not to say that I hate celebrating Eid in the conventional ways, but we changed our routine a little and it feels just alright. A snug alright.

I even made a point to have my Raya runs - the second and third day. With my grandma. Top that!

By the by, I haven't seen Abah yet. Should make a point to do that. Soon.
--
I have completed my first 15km last Sat, and looking back I think it is possible for me to do my first half marathon, and complete a full marathon some time next year. Something about running soothes me. Eceh.

Soooo. My first Color Run this Sunday!! Supafrikkinexcited.

Love,
D.

15. Ramadan 28th.

I had coffee at 11 PM. Wrong move, now I can't sleep and I have 6 km run tomorrow, lord have mercy on me! Swamped with work, and overwhelmingly trying to be OK at things such as having a controlled breakdowns i.e less crying for no apparent reason because I am trying to move on from something that clearly doesn't need my attention, but I do it anyways because I'm melodramatic liddat. What is D without drama, yes?

Honestly, this year's Ramadan brought so much. So much so, I don't even know where to begin. I always loved Ramadan, it's my frikkin fav month! Always bearing good news. However, it took a turn this year with the Gaza news and MH17 :( (and my silly broken hearted drama) but i know it is for the best, inshaAllah.

First Eid with a proper preparation I guess. I'm surrounded by so many inspiring beautiful people I can't sit still! I want to finish my 50km challenge (I ran half already!), I want to paint my house (hmmm... changed my table cloth, that's a start right?) -- see, busy D is busy! Busy is good yes?

I am content with my job now, Alhamdulillah. All praise to Allah. Allah is the best planner. At times I do feel like I'm losing hope, but indeed Allah is the best planner. 

All in all, everything is a-OK, Alhamdulillah. Heart is healing, hope Allah is always with me because I suck as a servant, always forgetting my Creator when things are looking up. InshaAllah, Allah is the best planner. Ameen.

Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Love,

point5kittykat.

14. Ms. Liberty

Wow, cheesy much? Anyhoo, I am back! (sorta). I've been good. 2014 has been mental, look it we're at the middle of the year already! I think I achieved a lot. Lost a few pounds, getting fitter, I CAN PLAY SPORTS NOW like real sports I even played for my city for a league back in February. I mean whaaa--- me? I went for a hike for a couple of times and I ran 10K marathon, twice. (and psst -- i almost dated someone too.) 'Almost'. I learn something though: It feels good to choose who I'd spent my time with, and it feels somewhat liberating when you put yourself first. Sigh, almost. Beeteedubs - RAMADHAN KAREEM!! MY MOST FAVORITE MONTH IS HEREEEEE!! <3 Bye.

13.

It's a lonely life if you'd ask me
You fits into your jeans
You'd buy expensive things
Heck, you dine-in fancy

But it's a lonely life you see
If all that's done with you and you only
No friends to ask for a movie
No lover to spend a night watching Netflix

--

I've even lost the appetite to express myself, because honestly, what's the point?


After midnight,
Shah Alam.

12. I made a thing

11. Taking myself out on a date.

It just hit me that in this almost 3 years of me being awesomely single, I've yet to properly date myself. Take myself out on a date. Be pretty for myself. Eat nice food at some nice place that I've always dream of going with a date. Or maybe catch that overdue movie bucket list that I've been postponing ever since I started to work. If I take a good hard look at it, in actuality, I have never really been 'single'. Just a person without a boyfriend. Whoa. Mindblown. I got 3 weekends free that are dying to be filled up. This looks like an adventure that I need to explore! Damn girl, let's do this yo!

10. TwentySix

Excuse moi as I havent been doing anything remotely creative, and today I had such a lovely dinner and I fell in love with the app so here you go!
--
Random thoughts in random order in a list of 26:

1. Taking care of yourself is serious bizniz.
2. Having the chance to talk to your superhero (in my case, my singer-songwriter whose band I've been in love with since day 1 - dearest William Beckett) is not as smooth sailing as you'd think. T'was the most awkward 2 minutes conversation I had in ever. But SO worth it. We're human after all.
3. As much as you think you can't, you can.
4. I think I've been emotionally void lately. Um, come back to mommah? (Just so I can cry at my favorite song or summat)
5. Most satisfying thing you can do for yourself - BIG BREAKFAST. Yums!
6. If you wait for the perfect moment, you'd wait forever, start NOW!
7. But then again, cut yourself some slack.
8. I need to talk to more people.
9. ...And cut down on negative people, cause yo you aint do me shit.
10. Mid-twenty is the most confusing age to be in.
11. I won't say it's the most difficult but it ain't walk in the park either.
12. Allowing myself to appreciate hot people - is actually liberating heh heh heh
13. Money is important, but knowing where you stand is the ultimate thing you need to keep in mind as of now.
14. I need need need to learn how to be a proper daughter.
15. Also, need to start being all creative again.
16. Did I tell you people can be a bitch once they moved on from their rock bottom phase? DO NOT BE THIS PERSON. Sigh so tiring to put up with!
17. Yuna is lovely lovely person. <3
18. Sleeping early should be my mantra.
19. I look young. People keep mistaken me as 22, while I'm not. It is flattering to certain extend but it is getting awkward though. Like when you want to have a decent conversation with someone your age, they'd go all brotherly on you. Ummmm. . . ok.
20. TWENTY gosh I must relearn how to blog hahahah.
21. Twitter is getting passe. Embarrassing must I add. Hmm, time to put my internet invisibility cloak on?
22. Sometime I feel like fooping. Yup. Fooping. But then again . . .
23. I need to relearn how to learn new people
24. Also, need to appreciate free time because who knew hell comes again (Touchwood)
25. To beautify home takes time, and I shouldn't be hard on myself.
26. I braved a few things and I'm proud of that. :)

--
Sweet dreams, loves! xx

9. Stars

I miss stargazing, especially my uni's dark skies.

--
I'm sad at the world. I'm sad that not enough people is paying attention at things that matter. Egypt matter, people who get killed matter, people who were ordered to kill (and they need to follow it) matter. My religion matter. Pleasing Him matter. Being a good person deep inside matter. Being a more considerate person matter. Being less racist freakin' help a lot.

Not enough people see that.
I'm sad that all we think about now or rather all we are surrounded now are things that makes us forgetful. We forget that we belong to the world, that every one of us is important. We forget that there are more to life than just concerts. We forget that there are more to life than climbing the social ladder, being 'cool' etcetera. We forget that we are capable of being more than what we are now. We forget that we can live without the latest gadgets. We forget that status quo is just bullish and it will fade some day. We forget that being pretty is pure superficiality at its best. We forget, we forget, we --forget.

--

I'm just sad that we look forward to a date, which in reality, there's no guarantee we'd live the minute after. Allah. I'm just sad. :c

8. Eid

Eid Mubarak!

Raya this year has been extremely weird, given the fact that it seems everybody (not only just me, wow) are going through changes and they show. Gone are the days where we would share the cold wooden floor for our heads to lay on at night, the crazy queue waiting for out turns to the bathroom - way back was the queue to the well, trust me when I say this, I grew up for a few years fighting of being one of the first few; everyone is getting married (excluding moi, I'm too modern for that (for now)) and getting at least one mini me each year? Ha! so the house we came to know and grew up in during Raya is now, empty... to say the least.

I'm sad, kind of. I haven't been celebrating Eid with the parents since I was 16? I think. And all I always got were (are?) my brothers. We formed a strong bond with our extended family since arwah ibu left us, and the fact that everything is so different now, saddens me.

This, is not what I intend to write but I guess I'm melodramatic like that.
--
I resigned. I love my job, but my health can't take it. Or maybe that's only a reason I use to get away from this.

I am lucky I'm given the third chance to be at peace with my career choice. Every struggle brings me closer to what I (or think? I) want. Alhamdulillah, Allah knows best. It truly feels hard this time around, maybe because I took a liking into my wacky team so much, we got closer for every breakdowns we had and I just broke the news yesterday. Have not got the finalized end date yet, but I am glad I did it.
--
Maybe, when I'm free enough I'd list down how wonderful it is being (/turning) a mid-twenty simpleton, with everything in place except maybe, a romantic relationship (ew- but yes it is time? :P).

Man, I'm old.

7. Reminder

Although it's the final 10 days already, I think I'm only able to fast in the second week of it which kinda suck to say the least and let me tell you it has been tough. Super tough, may I add.
--
Things that I need to reevaluate and ponder upon:
How can my brothers and sisters out there throw away (or rather being forced to) their rights on speaking up their mind, to be who they are and to be misunderstood most of the time by the non muslims and they actually can keep their jihad strong at heart. MashaAllah, how can I be like one?

How can they keep on trying and trying to be a better Muslim albeit their conditions and surroundings do not permit them to do so, while here I am, in an Islamic country, just being a mediocre Muslim?

How can they have such patience in things that they have to go through everyday, every second maybe, which can never be compared to the petty things I've to dealt with everyday?
--
I feel like such a bad Muslim now. :c

6. Maybe

I got the job.

I actually got it. Oh my god!!

Ok back story: Was rejected last year due to maybe... my empty CV, and how I handle things back then. Dan juga bukan rezeki saya at that time. Allah knows best.

Had dinner with the boys (le candidates -- 6 of us, and I was the only girl ;-), a day before the assessment day), and our host told us that everything was rebooted. The whole process! Whaddya know?

I actually plan (and waited almost) for a year cooling off period, searching high and low to polish up my skills, to finally fit in the pieces and I re-applied a short of 1 month than the actual cooling off period -- he was all like "That's why you got in, maybe."

Rezekiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I love Ramadan. Always filled with joyous news! xx (Alhamdulillah, I can't thank my Creator enough!)

One more challenge to face and I'm off.

--

I feel like everything is starting to map out (haha, work term that I love to use ;p) to something good. And that is a very good feeling, everybody.

:)

5. (...love this)

If you ask me, honestly, I would want this month to be a hopeful month. I got to know a very joyous news a few days ago, and although every waking particles that make up my body are dying to scream out loud about it but I want to keep it exclusive until I got the affirmation that I need.
--



:) Can't stop me from seeing things from a different angle though. Alhamdulillah.
--
I'm starting my clean eat mission as of today until end of Ramadhan, inshaAllah. I can do this! Ameen!

4. July, Ramadhan

Ramadhan is coming up soon, and I cannot wait. Always have been my favorite month.

I noticed that Subuh has been getting later and later, which is awesome, more food to inhale before Suhoor ends! Hehe, my Creator is the best <3

Deep inside though, I really hope it'd bring something this year. Be it me: shedding to be a better person, or in a better position. InshaAllah.

3. Friday, flyday, not so much the day.

Actually, it will be in an hour or so. I'm gonna miss my two colleagues tomorrow. It's their last day. Take me with you, pwease?

2. Speechless

Today was not my day I guess. The start of the day was pretty mundane (with an addition of new found Vinyasa poses! Love love love), had my usual shake.. you know the usuals. Office was quite OK before lunch, which was pretty bizarre given the fact that things would get out of hand the minute I stepped in.

Evening though, was very challenging. I mean I'm pretty good at handling issues, well sorta. But this time around I was brought right under the microscopic lens and also brought forward to the spotlight right there and then without solid evidence.  All I could emote was WHAT?!?!WHEN?!?HOW?!?REALLY?!?!?!ISITME?!?!?.

Yup.
Went back to the office with this weird sunken feeling although I know it wasn't my fault. Everyone was chanting, and playing this sympathetic card on me, Are you OK?
--

I decided to forget about it and have the longest laugh I had in awhile. Felt good.
Here's to hoping for a good tomorrow. ;)

Good night, ladies and gents.

1. A new start.

Well, flipping a new chapter.
Today, adik texted me that he's gonna be away for a week for a serious mountain hike. I told him this: If you are lost, read Nabi Nuh's doa and tawakkal.

I kind of reflect on my life after that, simply because, sometimes I really need to listen to my own advice and follow it through. How simple was that? If you are lost, get back to Allah and tawakkal. He knows best.

After all, whatever had happen these past few years are rare gems. I should be thankful and spin my perspective on life a little bit more. Worry-less and just, dive in.

Speaking of which, given the fact that I am building my career and struggling with (not so much) debt, I should keep an eye on how my expenses flow, shouldn't it be like that all the time? I'm not a big spender, heck look at my clothes - they all spells 2010 and late. But I spend A LOT on food. I might as well cut down on mindless binge and spend all that money to eat right.

Boss just texted in. On Sunday. What's new.
--
In the meantime, this is what I hope for in June:

• White trim for the house, DIY style. At least for our family hall.



(Source: here)
Look how clean and bright this is. I can't wait to paint my walls in greige too. One step at a time.

• White doors. 

• At least 10% goes into my savings.