13.

It's a lonely life if you'd ask me
You fits into your jeans
You'd buy expensive things
Heck, you dine-in fancy

But it's a lonely life you see
If all that's done with you and you only
No friends to ask for a movie
No lover to spend a night watching Netflix

--

I've even lost the appetite to express myself, because honestly, what's the point?


After midnight,
Shah Alam.

12. I made a thing

11. Taking myself out on a date.

It just hit me that in this almost 3 years of me being awesomely single, I've yet to properly date myself. Take myself out on a date. Be pretty for myself. Eat nice food at some nice place that I've always dream of going with a date. Or maybe catch that overdue movie bucket list that I've been postponing ever since I started to work. If I take a good hard look at it, in actuality, I have never really been 'single'. Just a person without a boyfriend. Whoa. Mindblown. I got 3 weekends free that are dying to be filled up. This looks like an adventure that I need to explore! Damn girl, let's do this yo!

10. TwentySix

Excuse moi as I havent been doing anything remotely creative, and today I had such a lovely dinner and I fell in love with the app so here you go!
--
Random thoughts in random order in a list of 26:

1. Taking care of yourself is serious bizniz.
2. Having the chance to talk to your superhero (in my case, my singer-songwriter whose band I've been in love with since day 1 - dearest William Beckett) is not as smooth sailing as you'd think. T'was the most awkward 2 minutes conversation I had in ever. But SO worth it. We're human after all.
3. As much as you think you can't, you can.
4. I think I've been emotionally void lately. Um, come back to mommah? (Just so I can cry at my favorite song or summat)
5. Most satisfying thing you can do for yourself - BIG BREAKFAST. Yums!
6. If you wait for the perfect moment, you'd wait forever, start NOW!
7. But then again, cut yourself some slack.
8. I need to talk to more people.
9. ...And cut down on negative people, cause yo you aint do me shit.
10. Mid-twenty is the most confusing age to be in.
11. I won't say it's the most difficult but it ain't walk in the park either.
12. Allowing myself to appreciate hot people - is actually liberating heh heh heh
13. Money is important, but knowing where you stand is the ultimate thing you need to keep in mind as of now.
14. I need need need to learn how to be a proper daughter.
15. Also, need to start being all creative again.
16. Did I tell you people can be a bitch once they moved on from their rock bottom phase? DO NOT BE THIS PERSON. Sigh so tiring to put up with!
17. Yuna is lovely lovely person. <3
18. Sleeping early should be my mantra.
19. I look young. People keep mistaken me as 22, while I'm not. It is flattering to certain extend but it is getting awkward though. Like when you want to have a decent conversation with someone your age, they'd go all brotherly on you. Ummmm. . . ok.
20. TWENTY gosh I must relearn how to blog hahahah.
21. Twitter is getting passe. Embarrassing must I add. Hmm, time to put my internet invisibility cloak on?
22. Sometime I feel like fooping. Yup. Fooping. But then again . . .
23. I need to relearn how to learn new people
24. Also, need to appreciate free time because who knew hell comes again (Touchwood)
25. To beautify home takes time, and I shouldn't be hard on myself.
26. I braved a few things and I'm proud of that. :)

--
Sweet dreams, loves! xx

9. Stars

I miss stargazing, especially my uni's dark skies.

--
I'm sad at the world. I'm sad that not enough people is paying attention at things that matter. Egypt matter, people who get killed matter, people who were ordered to kill (and they need to follow it) matter. My religion matter. Pleasing Him matter. Being a good person deep inside matter. Being a more considerate person matter. Being less racist freakin' help a lot.

Not enough people see that.
I'm sad that all we think about now or rather all we are surrounded now are things that makes us forgetful. We forget that we belong to the world, that every one of us is important. We forget that there are more to life than just concerts. We forget that there are more to life than climbing the social ladder, being 'cool' etcetera. We forget that we are capable of being more than what we are now. We forget that we can live without the latest gadgets. We forget that status quo is just bullish and it will fade some day. We forget that being pretty is pure superficiality at its best. We forget, we forget, we --forget.

--

I'm just sad that we look forward to a date, which in reality, there's no guarantee we'd live the minute after. Allah. I'm just sad. :c

8. Eid

Eid Mubarak!

Raya this year has been extremely weird, given the fact that it seems everybody (not only just me, wow) are going through changes and they show. Gone are the days where we would share the cold wooden floor for our heads to lay on at night, the crazy queue waiting for out turns to the bathroom - way back was the queue to the well, trust me when I say this, I grew up for a few years fighting of being one of the first few; everyone is getting married (excluding moi, I'm too modern for that (for now)) and getting at least one mini me each year? Ha! so the house we came to know and grew up in during Raya is now, empty... to say the least.

I'm sad, kind of. I haven't been celebrating Eid with the parents since I was 16? I think. And all I always got were (are?) my brothers. We formed a strong bond with our extended family since arwah ibu left us, and the fact that everything is so different now, saddens me.

This, is not what I intend to write but I guess I'm melodramatic like that.
--
I resigned. I love my job, but my health can't take it. Or maybe that's only a reason I use to get away from this.

I am lucky I'm given the third chance to be at peace with my career choice. Every struggle brings me closer to what I (or think? I) want. Alhamdulillah, Allah knows best. It truly feels hard this time around, maybe because I took a liking into my wacky team so much, we got closer for every breakdowns we had and I just broke the news yesterday. Have not got the finalized end date yet, but I am glad I did it.
--
Maybe, when I'm free enough I'd list down how wonderful it is being (/turning) a mid-twenty simpleton, with everything in place except maybe, a romantic relationship (ew- but yes it is time? :P).

Man, I'm old.

7. Reminder

Although it's the final 10 days already, I think I'm only able to fast in the second week of it which kinda suck to say the least and let me tell you it has been tough. Super tough, may I add.
--
Things that I need to reevaluate and ponder upon:
How can my brothers and sisters out there throw away (or rather being forced to) their rights on speaking up their mind, to be who they are and to be misunderstood most of the time by the non muslims and they actually can keep their jihad strong at heart. MashaAllah, how can I be like one?

How can they keep on trying and trying to be a better Muslim albeit their conditions and surroundings do not permit them to do so, while here I am, in an Islamic country, just being a mediocre Muslim?

How can they have such patience in things that they have to go through everyday, every second maybe, which can never be compared to the petty things I've to dealt with everyday?
--
I feel like such a bad Muslim now. :c

6. Maybe

I got the job.

I actually got it. Oh my god!!

Ok back story: Was rejected last year due to maybe... my empty CV, and how I handle things back then. Dan juga bukan rezeki saya at that time. Allah knows best.

Had dinner with the boys (le candidates -- 6 of us, and I was the only girl ;-), a day before the assessment day), and our host told us that everything was rebooted. The whole process! Whaddya know?

I actually plan (and waited almost) for a year cooling off period, searching high and low to polish up my skills, to finally fit in the pieces and I re-applied a short of 1 month than the actual cooling off period -- he was all like "That's why you got in, maybe."

Rezekiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I love Ramadan. Always filled with joyous news! xx (Alhamdulillah, I can't thank my Creator enough!)

One more challenge to face and I'm off.

--

I feel like everything is starting to map out (haha, work term that I love to use ;p) to something good. And that is a very good feeling, everybody.

:)

5. (...love this)

If you ask me, honestly, I would want this month to be a hopeful month. I got to know a very joyous news a few days ago, and although every waking particles that make up my body are dying to scream out loud about it but I want to keep it exclusive until I got the affirmation that I need.
--



:) Can't stop me from seeing things from a different angle though. Alhamdulillah.
--
I'm starting my clean eat mission as of today until end of Ramadhan, inshaAllah. I can do this! Ameen!

4. July, Ramadhan

Ramadhan is coming up soon, and I cannot wait. Always have been my favorite month.

I noticed that Subuh has been getting later and later, which is awesome, more food to inhale before Suhoor ends! Hehe, my Creator is the best <3

Deep inside though, I really hope it'd bring something this year. Be it me: shedding to be a better person, or in a better position. InshaAllah.

3. Friday, flyday, not so much the day.

Actually, it will be in an hour or so. I'm gonna miss my two colleagues tomorrow. It's their last day. Take me with you, pwease?

2. Speechless

Today was not my day I guess. The start of the day was pretty mundane (with an addition of new found Vinyasa poses! Love love love), had my usual shake.. you know the usuals. Office was quite OK before lunch, which was pretty bizarre given the fact that things would get out of hand the minute I stepped in.

Evening though, was very challenging. I mean I'm pretty good at handling issues, well sorta. But this time around I was brought right under the microscopic lens and also brought forward to the spotlight right there and then without solid evidence.  All I could emote was WHAT?!?!WHEN?!?HOW?!?REALLY?!?!?!ISITME?!?!?.

Yup.
Went back to the office with this weird sunken feeling although I know it wasn't my fault. Everyone was chanting, and playing this sympathetic card on me, Are you OK?
--

I decided to forget about it and have the longest laugh I had in awhile. Felt good.
Here's to hoping for a good tomorrow. ;)

Good night, ladies and gents.

1. A new start.

Well, flipping a new chapter.
Today, adik texted me that he's gonna be away for a week for a serious mountain hike. I told him this: If you are lost, read Nabi Nuh's doa and tawakkal.

I kind of reflect on my life after that, simply because, sometimes I really need to listen to my own advice and follow it through. How simple was that? If you are lost, get back to Allah and tawakkal. He knows best.

After all, whatever had happen these past few years are rare gems. I should be thankful and spin my perspective on life a little bit more. Worry-less and just, dive in.

Speaking of which, given the fact that I am building my career and struggling with (not so much) debt, I should keep an eye on how my expenses flow, shouldn't it be like that all the time? I'm not a big spender, heck look at my clothes - they all spells 2010 and late. But I spend A LOT on food. I might as well cut down on mindless binge and spend all that money to eat right.

Boss just texted in. On Sunday. What's new.
--
In the meantime, this is what I hope for in June:

• White trim for the house, DIY style. At least for our family hall.



(Source: here)
Look how clean and bright this is. I can't wait to paint my walls in greige too. One step at a time.

• White doors. 

• At least 10% goes into my savings.